LOCAL FACEBOOK GROUP DISCOVERS COUNCIL HAS NEVER DONE ANYTHING RIGHT

Seven distinct species of civic outrage identified, with researchers warning the population may be facing a chronic outbreak of Facebook indignation. A breakthrough study conducted entirely in the comments section of a local Facebook group has confirmed what nobody had previously suspected:

The Noosa Council has apparently never done anything right.

Not once. Not recently. Not historically. Possibly not since the invention of local government.

Researchers reached the conclusion after observing several hundred Council-related Facebook posts in which virtually every announcement, project, consultation, budget item, tree planting, tree removal, bike path, road or bridge repair and new disabled public toilet (Does it need to be connected to the sewer?) was subjected to forensic examination by people who appear to have considerably more time and expertise than the elected members of Council and professional Staff and Consultants.

Seven dominant species identified:

1. THE PERMANENTLY AGGRIEVED. This species has been angry for so long that nobody can remember what originally happened. Ask what the current problem is and you’ll receive a 14-paragraph response beginning:

“This Council has been doing this for years. Possibly generations.”

The Permanent Aggrieved has screenshots dating back to 2011 and regards every new Council decision as merely the latest chapter in an ongoing personal saga. They don’t hold grudges. They maintain archives.

2. THE OUTRAGE MAXIMISER. The Outrage Maximiser has discovered that ordinary language doesn’t generate engagement. So:

“Council proposes changes to parking.” becomes:

“COUNCIL DECLARES WAR ON RESIDENTS.”

A footpath is upgraded: “COUNCIL WASTES MILLIONS WHILE IGNORING OUR STREETS.”

A consultation is announced: “COUNCIL PRETENDS TO LISTEN.”

The Outrage Maximiser’s greatest achievement is transforming a routine administrative decision into something resembling the fall of Western civilisation.

3. THE WOUNDED WARRIOR. The Wounded Warrior has experienced enough genuine adversity to know what injustice feels like. Unfortunately, Facebook has provided an unlimited supply of things that feel unjust.

A delayed email can become institutional disrespect. A disagreement can become victimisation. A bureaucratic decision can become an assault on dignity. The Wounded Warrior isn’t necessarily wrong. That’s what makes them difficult. They may have a legitimate point buried somewhere beneath six layers of emotional artillery.

4. THE CATASTROPHE MERCHANT. For the Catastrophe Merchant, nothing is ever simply happening. Everything is happening to the town and to them. A planning proposal? “This will destroy Noosa.” A new car park? “This is the beginning of the end.” A new building? “Once this happens, we’ll never get our town back.”

A storm? “This is what happens when Council ignores the community.” The Catastrophe Merchant doesn’t predict the future. They threaten it.

5. THE ARMCHAIR AUDITOR. This is the most dangerous species because occasionally they know what they’re talking about. They read Council reports. They understand budgets. They find obscure clauses in planning legislation. They know exactly how much a project cost in 2018. They can identify a discrepancy in a 63-page agenda before breakfast. Unfortunately, the Armchair Auditor eventually develops a fatal condition known as:

“I’ve found something.” Once contracted, it is incurable. Every Council document becomes a potential crime scene.

6. THE PROFESSIONAL OPPOSITION. This species doesn’t actually need to know what Council is proposing.

They are just against it. Especially when they want their own Pro Over Development Mayor elected at next election.

If Council does something: “Why?” If Council doesn’t: “Why not?” If Council spends money: “Waste.”

If Council saves money: “Neglect.” If Council listens: “Political stunt.” If Council doesn’t listen: “Arrogance.”

If Council changes its mind: “Weakness.” If Council refuses to change its mind: “Arrogance.”

If victim of an Overseas Criminal Scam that moved money offshore as seen elsewhere - then it’s gone into the pockets of the CEO. Without question.

Professional Opposition has achieved a rare evolutionary state in which no possible Council action can produce a satisfactory outcome.

7. THE FACEBOOK GRIEVANCE ENTREPRENEUR. The most advanced species. This individual or group from the Advertising Industry most likely - understands that anger generates engagement. They don’t ask:

“Is this actually bad?” They ask: “Can I make people angry about it? Also, How can I make the females the victims here? Surely the men raised their voices at some point in the heated discussion?” They understand the sacred Facebook formula:

ALL CAPS + rhetorical question + photograph of something vaguely alarming + “SHARE THIS” = 300 comments.

Within minutes, people who have never read the Council report are confidently explaining it. Within an hour, someone has contacted a journalist.

By lunchtime, somebody has demanded the Mayor resign. How dare he let his mother donate to his election campaign? Will she benefit from this bike trail in her 80s? The Mayor is super fit - so must she be. Has he been cleared by the Office of the Independent Assessor? They won’t tell you. Too busy looking for the next Complaint to bring him down. By dinner, the original issue has disappeared completely. Nobody knows what they’re angry about anymore.

But they’re very angry.

AND THEN THEY FIND EACH OTHER. This is where the real magic happens. The amplification of Outrage warming their souls. One person posts: “Does anyone know why Council is repairing this Bridge?” Twenty minutes later:

“Typical Council.” They don’t care about residents. They are blocking traffic just because the bridge is sinking”

“What about Hastings Street?” “What about the river and the Spit? How dare they fine the backpacker Vans and get police to knock on their windows without asking us?” “What about parking? Why did they bring in restricted hours at the Spit?”

“What about short-term rentals? Stats say they have been reduced with new restrictions in Hinterland but we know that cannot be correct!”

“What about the rates? How did it happen that the higher rates from STAs reduced the average rates for residents? That cannot be correct!”

“What about the trees? Why are they planting more from money raised through tourists?”

“What about 1998?”

By 9pm, the discussion has established that Council is responsible for traffic, tourism, inflation, climate change, parking, the decline of civilisation and someone’s neighbour’s dog barking. The Bridge repair itself has not been mentioned for 47 comments. They have all moved on - encouraging the next outrage.

THE REALLY INTERESTING PART

Psychologists studying the phenomenon say persistent negativity doesn’t necessarily mean someone is stupid, dishonest or even wrong. Some people have legitimate grievances. Some are genuinely passionate about their community. Some have difficult histories that may make them particularly sensitive to unfairness, rejection or loss of control.

But there is a point where advocacy becomes IDENTITY that generates ATTENTION and sense of IMPORTANCE. It’s ADDICTIVE. In fact there are therapies available to people who have this social media addiction.

When that happens, finding something wrong isn’t merely something you do. It’s who you are. IT’S FEEDING YOUR REWARD SYSTEM IN THE BRAIN - How many ‘Likes’ did I get?

And suddenly a Council announcement isn’t an opportunity to ask: “Is this a good idea?”

It becomes an opportunity to ask: “What’s wrong with it?” And if nothing is wrong with it?

Don’t worry. Someone on Facebook will find something.

Because somewhere in Noosa tonight, a Council Facebook critic is staring intensely at a perfectly acceptable bicycle footpath, wondering: “Why is it that colour?” And preparing their next post.