The SURFER Who Cried “Heritage!”, A Fable
Just another day at the beach that once was free from objectification and commercialism
(A coastal satire)
In a sun-drenched Paradise, where kombi vans hum softly - a familiar tide rolls in.
A tide of grand announcements:
Every week, a new banner.
Every fortnight, a new existential peril.
Every month, a declaration that something already functioning perfectly well, is in fact, moments from catastrophe.
It began, as many grand ideas do, at low tide, scanning the horizon for a slogan
strong enough to outrun the swell.
Despite the areas long-standing harmony between surfers, swimmers, and the occasional disinterested shark,
the first rally cry arrives:
“Save the Whales”
Marine biologists blinked. Surfers squinted.
Not content with saving Whales, the theme then pivoted heroically toward culture.
Specifically: declaring a surf break - a “Heritage Zone of Wave Significance.”
“If we don’t HERITAGE IT now, someone might… modernise the tide.”
Or, as someone with long history on the beach added:
“A Cyclone could wipe out this whole area”
Surfers, who have been riding these same waves peacefully in spiritual oneness with nature - since before hashtags were invented, were startled to learn they had apparently been
existing in a non-heritage state.
Not that they understood the implications, all they wanted was the experience with good waves.
Draft proposals reportedly included:
Bronze plaques for particularly photogenic waves
A commemorative statue of “The spirit of Longboard”
A by-law protecting the traditional right to look contemplative at sunset
Observers note a fascinating ecological cycle:
Identify something that already functions reasonably well, already recognised and protected at best.
Imagine its hypothetical peril.
Propose formal recognition under an inspiring title.
Release beautifully lit photos in ALL media.
REPEAT
Meanwhile, rates still arrive, traffic banks up, wars break out and scandals erupt as usual.
But rest assured - the waves remain gloriously uninterested in branding exercises -
even though they now have a chance to be Heritage safeguarded - that is until the next storms.
And perhaps that’s the true heritage worth preserving:
A community Wise enough to smile as theatre rolls in…
and wise enough to paddle past it.