Noosa Council Discovers Time Stopped in 2014 - All Future Decisions Cancelled
In a stunning breakthrough for administrative efficiency, Noosa Council has reportedly uncovered a revolutionary governance model:
once a decision is made, it must never be reconsidered again.
The discovery came after a deep dive into the ancient scrolls (also known as “council minutes”)
revealed that, in 2014, someone once approved using Lions Park as a temporary car park.
And that, it seems, is that.
“No need for reports, debate, or updated thinking,” “We already decided something once.
Why would we ever do it again”
The Golden Rule: One Decision to Rule Them All
Under this bold new interpretation of governance:
• The 2014 Easter parking approval now applies indefinitely, regardless of changing traffic, population, or reality.
• The 2015 Christmas decision apparently locked in festive parking policy for all time.
• The 2017 $20 fee must be preserved forever, presumably indexed only to nostalgia.
Legal scholars are scrambling to update textbooks.
🅿️ Lions Park: The Most Decided Place on Earth
Records show Lions Park has been:
• Approved for parking in 2014
• Approved again in 2015
• Re-approved in 2017
• Re-approved in 2018 (twice, just to be sure)
• Approved again in 2019
• And then, for variety, approved again in 2020
Which raises a troubling question: If each approval permanently settles the issue…
why did Council keep approving it again?
Were councillors unaware that one decision in 2014 had already solved parking for eternity?
Or were they recklessly engaging in… new decisions?
The Radical Idea of “Context”
Critics have argued that recent staff reports should include every single historical decision ever made, presumably stretching back to the invention of paperwork.
By this logic, any future report on Lions Park should begin:
“In 2014, Council approved parking.
In 2015, Council approved parking.
In 2017, Council approved parking.
In 2018 (twice), Council approved parking.
In 2019, Council approved parking.
In 2020, Council approved parking.
Therefore, in 2026… we regret to inform you nothing further can occur.”
The Dangerous Precedent of Thinking Again:
Allowing councils to revisit decisions could lead to chaos, including:
• Adjusting policies based on new conditions
• Considering updated community views
• Making decisions that are… different from before
Emergency Measures Proposed:
To prevent further outbreaks of “re-decision-making,” a series of reforms are being considered:
• All council chambers to be fitted with plaques reading:
“We already decided this.”
• Staff reports to be replaced with a single line:
“See 2014.”
• Councillors attempting to debate new motions to be gently reminded:
“Please stop interfering with history.”
While some radical thinkers still believe councils should be able to reconsider, update, and refine decisions over time, the new doctrine offers a simpler path: Make one decision. Frame it. And never speak of it again.
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